A cry for help
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Greetings, loves!
I recently realized how incredibly ungrounded I am, and have always been, even though I am also highly sensitive. I am completely numb to my own feelings and emotions, and totally out of touch with my own body. I couldn't begin to tell you what my own energy feels like or what its like to just be my Self. I even discovered that I truly dont know what makes feel good or brings me pleasure. For so long, I have not wanted to be on the Earth or be in this world, and so I live in my head all the time. I am completely numb and it is actually quite frightening to finally recognize the degree to which Ive cheched out of life and my own body. I am not necessarily in an airy fairy etheric space. My challenge is that I am always and ONLY in my head and dont know how to feel. In the past, I turned to drugs and alcohol to distract me and suppress my emotions. Now, its cigarettes, food, constantly thinking, and social media or maybe a movie. Its like I cant be with myself and in stillness for one second. I don't even know what its like to be in my body or in my heart, and I have neglected and abused both for my entire adult life. The crazy thing is that I just now noticed this, though I have been like this for most of my life. I struggle with some of Maryams teachings because I am so numb and out of touch with myself that I dont know where to start. I understand all the spiritual and esoteric concepts, but struggle with anything practical, so I cant really put the spiritual stuff into place. My lower three chakras are completely closed and it feels like so much is wrong with me that I can never change and am too overwhelmed to even know where to start. I feel paralyzed by my own disconnection and disempowerment. I am always fearful and ungrounded, am not able to be creative or experience much pleasure, and have no discipline, willpower, self esteem, or personal power. And I have ZERO motivation to do or change anything, due to the programming that I am not worthy and deserving of good, and am not worth the effort and work required to change. Has anyone else experienced this to such a deep degree? What did you to to overcome it? How did you get back in touch with yourself? How did you recinnect to your emotions and energy? I know this is a super long and personal post, but this issue is destroying me and I need help. I dont know where else to go for support. In love and gratitude, Naomi |
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Peace Naomi! Firstly, thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing what you've been feeling. I can definitely relate to escaping life by living in an illusion of my choosing. I haven't felt closed off to the extent that you've expressed in a very long time, mostly since my childhood. Have you thought about how you were as a child? Can you recall a time when you were joyfully expressing yourself as a young person? I remind myself of that time because I believe it was a time in my life where I was unequivocally myself, before adulting haha. And I truly believe our children and our elders are quite close to their extra-sensory gifts. I was an HS child, constantly reading people for filth (including my parents lol!) and I didn't know it at the time, but I was often guided by spirits/angels to do things my peers would deem weird. But for me, it was all play. And sometimes it was frightening. My father's family is Haitian so the idea of spirits, hearing things, ghosts, witches, etc. got a very bad rap in my household, even though I was drawn to it and it often called out to me. But because of fear of the unknown and not really having resourceful guidance, I closed myself off at a very young age. But it's my birthright and I never felt too far away. I spent years, slowly, walking myself back to that center, back to that space of 'all-knowing' and unfettered joy & inquisition. As I made my journey back, I discovered that there were always some aspects of "the real me" in my everyday life, and when I started identifying them, I expanded and embraced them more. A few tools that worked for me, meditation meditation meditation. When it became a practice, it helped facilitate the rising and unpacking of a lot of blocked emotions that I was carrying in root/sacral chakras. And working with herbs, creating my own teas, and growing my relationship to the earth. Spending time in nature as often as I could. And doing things that bring me joy, which is like a major recharging for my inner child. Have you looked into the breath work to clear your emotional blocks? Or EFT? I think there might also be a tea blend available in Resonance. I could also recommend a few teas to assist in clearing & strengthening your lower chakras. There are tons of resources in NEM too. Jenna Dorcé maji-nation\\@maji_nation @jennaisparadise ig/twitter The universe will act in accordance with whom The Creator has called you to be. On Wed, Dec 5, 2018 at 10:26 AM Naomi [via New Earth Mystery School] <[hidden email]> wrote: Greetings, loves! |
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In reply to this post by Naomi
Hey Naomi,
I hear you loud and clear. I think as highly sensitive people being on planet earth is an incredibly intense experience, and the tendency can be to run away/seek refuge from reality, and often the only place for this is our heads. I have spent a lot of my time running away from "the real world" and shutting myself off, for many reasons. I think being inside a physical, 3D body, is really hard!! And feelings, real , authentic feelings, have such depth to them, sometimes it can be scary to feel them, and I mean really feel them. I only really learnt how to cry about 2 years ago. It just wasnt something that came naturally. I think because of early childhood experiences (the dynamic between my mum and I) I just learnt to switch that off at some point. I think two things have helped me the most. One is developing my own cosmology, or understanding of the world, and my place in it. Recognising that EVERYTHING IS OK. There is no right or wrong. I dont have to be anything, or do anything. Noone is judging me. It helped me to recognise early on in my spiritual journey that I am not of this world, but I am having a human experience. So I see my head as the control centre, the bit where I am able to contact my alien team, and share with them when I am overjoyed, ecstatic, and often when I am feeling desperately lonely on planet earth! The rest of my body and chakra system is for earthly pleasures, experiencing the world through the 5 senses, slowing things down. Touch can be a great way to get back into the body, as can breathing and visualisation. I see my time on earth as a playground, safe in the acknowledgement that everything is ok. Maybe start by just being barefoot more often, and really noticing how it feels. Use mindfulness. Are you able to get to anywhere extremely beatiful? Even in a city seeing the night sky from a sky scraper can give you a sense of awe and wonder. Or maybe just try touching things,everything, see how it makes you feel in your body. When I was about 21 I felt so incredibly trapped in my head that I wanted to escape from existing in 3D permanently. I happened upon vipassana meditation, and had no idea what I was getting myself in for, but ended up completing the 10 day silent meditation retreat, and had a complete breakthrough. I appreciate this doesnt happen to everyone, but its one of lifes ironies, that the only way out of a difficult situation is through it. The only way to begin to be out of my mind, and in touch with my body, was to spend 10 days in total silence with only my mind for company! Be brave, go into the body. It's worth it. Maybe instead of conversing with your head, converse with your heart. Try and feel the beat in your chest, notice when it skips a beat or does something different. Whenever you feel your attention moving back to your thoughts try and move your attention back to your heart space. Also, womens circles. If you can, find a womens circle, and laugh, dance and cry with others. Sometimes it can be really inspiring to see other people in their own raw element, and something pack animal like in us recognises that its safe and ok, and it unlocks something. Some of my other biggest shifts has been around others. If you are in the UK I can point you in the direction of some brilliant women holding space. I hope that wasnt too much of a ramble and makes some sense. But I am wishing you peace. Start exactly where you are, with no judgements. Everything is ok. xxx |
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In reply to this post by Naomi
Hey Naomi,
I appreciate you expressing your feelings openly here. I can relate to how you've been feeling. A deep disconnect (off and on), constantly thinking, using social media, and food to feel good or as a distraction/escape has been my norm lately. I've come to think of this as a temporary cycle and/or an initiation to burn away fears and feel whatever I feel fully. I'm starting to use this experience to be present and ask my body what it needs and feel into the solution which can range from music/sounds, EFT, self-touch, scents, warm showers, to orgasms (to be real - wink) and keeping with the moment to momentness of what is right now. I keep reminding myself to give myself the same devotion of focus as I do my vices perhaps because that is what I am trying to fulfill through them. Really it is an unfolding for me still. Some days simply keeping my focus on my breath and an affirmation throughout the day is calming and beneficial. I've had a some dark nights of the soul, this shift feels similar, but more like a liberation of my soul... a dropping of any untruths from my experiences and an exploration of my Self without identities, labels, goals, etc. It is a lot, but I mainly want you to know you are not alone at all, I feel you. Sending you waves of love and peace. |
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This post was updated on .
In reply to this post by Naomi
Hey Naomi, you're not alone!! I hope you find all the support you need here and in life.
Highly sensitive and I live inside my head, a therapist who didn't understand the gifts of HS told me this was a huge problem--and it's not, it just needs balance. But yes I too struggle with grounding. I have almost zero Earth in my chart. This year was really tough for me after a break up and I accidentally isolated myself and was waaaay too in my head. Personally, the most concrete thing I can do to ground myself is to go for a walk. To sit on the ground, touch dirt, touch plants (they're friendly). Hug a tree. Take a dance class, to move my body, especially to get in my body. Work out. Do a Tracy Anderson Arms 7 minute video on youtube. Do yoga, Qui Gong, Feldenkrais, Gyrokinetics, move--that connects me with my body. This year I went from Jan-Aug totally in my head, and spur of the moment I signed up for a 16 dollar dance class mid August, and I remembered who I was after such an intense period of grieving. The other thing I find INCREDIBLY grounding is journaling. Writing three pages or 30 mins. I live in Brooklyn and NYC is fucking intense, so I keep a notebook in my bag, and sometimes, I'll end up in a Starbucks and just write for an hour. That's when I feel my soul and feel myself. I'm not censoring what I'm saying, I'm completely expressing my thoughts. When I don't journal, I don't know what I feel and totally disconnected from myself. I'll even sit at the journal and not know what to write, because I don't know what I'm feeling, but I'll just start with "holy fuck i'm so disconnected" and just start writing. It is so therapeutic to write out your thoughts and then read them back. Also singing. Sing for 30 mins. Singing is one of the most calming activities you can do. If you join a choir, it's super therapeutic, everyone's hearts start to beat at the same rate. Getting physical, sweating, moving your body, free write <3 It sounds so simple... but that's really all it is. I used to struggle a lot with my solar plexus chakra, and I felt like I need special things, special miracles, and I think it was Has who said in relation to solar plexus just, simply "Take action." I've also found volunteering to be a great way to get to know my energy, it's like through contributing in some way, you start to see your value, it takes the mind off social media. If you haven't, read the Highly Sensitive Person book! My mom told me to read it years ago, but I rolled my eyes, and then Has recommended it. And I finally sat down to read it and it is such an emotional read!!! It was equally liberating and maddening as it really made me face myself. So many times, like even today, I had an mini emotional outburst related to pushing myself too hard in an overstimulating environment. Our nervous system is not like normal peoples! We have to take care of it. Sending you good vibes <3 |
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Also making things!!! Doing things with your hands. Getting crafty <3 - have fun! And joy! Make a holiday ornament or cooking can be a great grounding activity. Pottery. Crocheting. Woodworking. Do things to make you laugh. Laughter is great medicine.
Especially for me, opening a physical book that is not spiritual or self help related lol, physically turning the pages. READING A BOOK IN NATURE <3 <3 <3 (although not when it's so cold outside) |
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Another great grounding tool, just in case anyone is reading this for ideas, is cleaning. It was my turn to clean the kitchen today, and it's so grounding for me to clean the stove and thank it, to swiffer the floors, to wipe down the counters and mentally honor the space, thanking and appreciating it for all it is --AND I end up with a cleaner space/less clutter -- which can help with High Sensitivity, as we take in the details of whats around us--and when what's around us is dirty or cluttered, I at least feel like I reach my intake threshold much faster and get tapped out. Someone else said this in the self love class, when I'm not in self love, cleanliness/organization is the first thing to go. Me too. It's one of the concrete ways to put myself back into self love when I'm really not feeling it. When I super depressed or checked out, if I start cleaning my bedroom or my kitchen or even the bathroom, 30 or 40 mins later--I feel better
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When is the community meeting this week? I would love to be there!
So many of these questions and feelings are ones I'm finding myself.
- Piers
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