Toxic Friends | Heart Discernment

[Tiff]

Hey guys, new member here :) I wanted to introduce myself and share about an experience I'm having to see if any of you can relate or have any advice!

Like many of you, I'm an empath, highly sensitive, all-feeling individual. I've been feeling 'off' about a good friend of mine for a while now, I'm talking years...but have continued to keep her in my circle as we have a lot of mutual friends (was not here for the drama). Over the years I've experienced her manipulation, slight jabs that are masked by jokes, etc.,   but alas, here we are. As it stands today, it's at the point where just conversing with her over text will make my heart ache for days. I've done everything to distance myself, but the more I try to distance myself, the more she reaches out. On the surface she's not doing me any harm, most would even classify her as a "good friend"  but it's the energy that doesn't feel so great that is becoming more and more present. I also understand that people grow and change, but I can't shake this feeling and am downright tired of this situation taking so much of my energy!

I've watched Maryam's videos on Home Frequency & Heart Discernment where she shares about people playing a role in your life and how a relationship can mirror a lesson that you need to overcome. I admit I'm guilty of 'nice girl syndrome' - always trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict, and am thanking my spirit guides for the message to level up ;).

But, how do I handle things with my friend? Have any of you been here before? Any advice would be much appreciated! x

With love,
Tiff

[lilly]

hi tiffany - welcome! i am relatively new here too. i have insight into this having dealt with this in the past.. and let me tell you, once you shift from this friendship and make space for something better - your life will shift along with it too. what i have learned is that these dynamics were always just boundary issues. i used to have a lot of people around that did not respect my boundaries and couldn’t really tell why the energy was off or why i felt off - until i realized more about boundaries. once you set a new boundary - such as taking distance, usually people who don’t respect your boundaries will try 100x harder to infiltrate. just stay true to yourself because once you practice respecting your own boundaries instead of matching someone else’s energy (this was a looooooong lesson for me to learn) you actually create space for way more to show up that will respect you and your boundaries - as well as give you space to feel yourself.

hoping this helps!
lilly

[lilly]

also what i realized through this work was that i did not love or respect my own boundaries, so i was attracting situations that mirrored that. also something to reflect on!

as sensitives, it’s easy to want to immediately take responsibility for how someone will react to your boundaries. just remember that’s not your business, but how your boundaries are respected is.

[Evelyn K]

hey tiff,

thank you for your openness about your situation. i can relate to your situation-- since i've been in friendships where the energy dynamic went downhill and i felt compelled to act on it.

a note to lilly: thanks for your notes about boundaries! i found them so useful, because this topic is coming up strong in the shadow work i'm doing, since i'm strengthening my own personal boundaries now.

tiff, i would encourage you to trust yourself in this process of deciding what to do. based on your post, you have a clear inner signal about the dynamic between you and your friend. it definitely looks like that'll be your clear reference point for what you'll do next.

i know you requested other people's suggestions on what to do, but in my experience, but i feel compelled to say you already have the answers to your question. i feel most empowered when i take the actions i choose myself. maybe it'll be the same for you, and if not we can embrace that too. :)

i'm cheering you on in my thoughts and with my heart!

evelyn

[Tiff]

Thanks for your reply! Yes, I totally agree - setting boundaries/knowing when to set them has been a huge learning for me. And yesss I struggle with anticipating how the person on the receiving end may react but I think I need to let all of this go once and for all. It's definitely time for me to let this go to welcome something new. This is going to be a tough one for me, but praying for the courage to see it through. Thanks for your support!

[Tiff]

Hey there! Thank you so much for your reply and for your encouraging words. Ahh, yes I know in my heart that this is a feeling I need to trust, I feel like my guides have been giving me confirmation left and right that what I'm feeling is valid. Actually acting on these feelings has been tricky for me, but at the end of the  I need to honor myself and protect my peace. Really appreciate your words of wisdom :).

[JStar]

Just wanted to share my appreciation for this whole thread. I relate so much about how my boundaries might make other people feel. I told myself I didn't care about that- but when it came to one friend I was doubting my intuition, disregarding my needs and health, letting myself get caught up in feeling bad when they felt insecure in response to my boundaries (and violating them). I reworked and transitioned out of important relationships last year and now with this I've been shown where my weak spots remain! Sheeesh! Feels like I'm moving through the last tricky bit now! And Sisterhood 2.0 is helping me move with grace. I can feel the shift coming!!!

'It's not personal, it's vibrational' Lalah Delia

I so needed to hear that.