Sisterhood 1.0 ** Love Bombing

Hello friends,

I have to come out with something after Sisterhood 1.0.

I'm a LOVE BOMBER!
If you didn't view the class yet, this won't make sense to you but basically one of the the red flags of a potentially imbalanced or inauthentic sister relationship was love bombing or being emphatically complimentary towards someone...

I was a VERY shy little kid. I have so many cousins I didn't know people hung out with their non-family members outside of school until second grade. (First gen immigrant here!)

Anyway, when I got older I became more outgoing and I began to love to compliment people because HONESTLY I really do notice things I love about people pretty easily and sometimes I think the world needs it.
I don't do it when I don't feel it. And I definitely notice things about people I DON'T love and when I compliment folks,  I don't expect anything back but sometimes I just want to say, WOW I love your dress, your writing, your way of sharing, etc.

I definitely am a recovering people pleaser / still learning not to feel others feelings unconsciously - so maybe there is some covert something something I am getting out of showering people in compliments.

And obviously, if I admire someone I would love to interact with that person - but as someone with low bandwidth - I do not EXPECT them to say a word back to me.  The internet is overwhelming.

Anyway just sharing. Kind of wanted to out myself and see what others thought.
In grace,
Xenia

[kelsie]

I'm also a love bomber! And like you, I also share compliments only when I genuinely find something about someone that I like.

I want to try holding back on my compliments for a brief time to see what comes up for me when I don't compliment someone. See if any stories come up about why I feel the need to share my compliments. I'm also a recovering people pleaser as well as having abandonment issues, so I'm curious if I feel like I have to do it to get people to like me/not abandon me.


Thanks for sharing!

[zahraw]

thank you both for sharing this.

i'm currently listening to the talk and it has already got me thinking about how one goes about comfortably not love bombing or serving and so on.  

one thing i'm picking up from the talk is that it is important to turn it into ourselves.  over time i've for sure learned to care for myself.  i ask myself "would you do this for a loved one?" if the answer is yes, i don't hesitate to do it for myself.

what other helpful strategies have you two found helpful?

thank you again for sharing - you are heard!

Thanks for sharing Kelsie. Those are such interesting Ideas. So insightful. I do think it's a way for me to say, "Hey i'm friendly, I am not competitive, I want peace and ease."  But also i have a parent who needs endless compliments so thank you so much for these reflections. Really useful ideas (and I don't feel judged!)