Hi Kat,
First I want to say I am sending you love and light.
Grief is tough, and can take you through any array of emotions. I lost my mom in Nov 2016 and it has been a tough, but transformative experience. There are days I cry. There are days I find joy. My practice is to honor what I am feeling.
Resources I've used are Maryam's Cord Cutting meditation. The first time I did it I was a ball of tears. It started the beginning of my healing/self-care practice. Some other resources I've used is establishing a consistent meditation practice, journaling as much as possible so I can get my emotions out, and joining a grief support group. Below are some books that I've helped me as well. Much love!
Cord Cutting Guided Meditation
https://soundcloud.com/maryamhasnaa/cord-cutting-and-forgiveness-guided-meditation-by-hasnaaBooks:
Conversation with God by Neal Donald Walsch
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson