Playing the victim

[dorakamau]

Hello to all,

I have a question that I wanted to pose to all members and hopefully find some clarity.

My partner and I found we have a blockage when it comes to unifying what we both do, in terms of sharing interests in eachothers works, finding time to support one another and really connecting on a deeper level. However, the problem I find within myself is being unable to remove myself from the problem and stop identifying as the victim so we can look at the issues objectively and from an observers point of view (if that makes sense). I find that I am quick to shut down, and just stare blankly at him while he shares his thoughts. When it is time for me to share, I'm at a loss for words.

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas or solutions for helping me stay present during conflict.. or just share their experience and how they overcame this problem?

Thank you so much in advance,
Peace & love xo

[Alyssa]

Hi Dora,

I can very much relate to shutting down or being at a loss for words and I’ve found that the loss of words happens when I feel like the space or person isn’t fully open to listening and when I’m overthinking/ criticizing what I want to say. I found it useful to write it all down including what I would like to communicate and what I feel from an empowering place so I’ll avoid saying things like “you made me feel..” and center myself instead. Also respecting what you both have to say and that you both can/may have different perspectives on things - both being valid and not having to convince one another. Because I feel like my resistance would come from the feeling of having to prove something. During those times its important to show myself that I honor and value my voice whether through writing or talking it out with a friend or to my guides.  

I hope that helps <3,
Alyssa

[dorakamau]

Thank you so much! I ended up writing down my thoughts and the issue resolved respectfully & lovingly. xx