How can I reduce impatients surrounding Inner Child/Shadow work progress?

[Emryss]

 Hi, Y'all!! :)

This question popped up for me during today's Waking Up from Being Woke class.

During my shadow work, I've noticed that I am impatient in regards to the work. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop focusing on how long it takes to get through the shadow work to see big progress?

I'm sure progress is happening just by me recognizing that "Oh I could've handled that differently, I reacted instead of responding. How to separate slow progression from stagnation?

Thanks,
Alyssa

[Hudda Rahma]

Hi Alyssa

I feel this post a lot because I get this way too. I will share my experience and hopefully it’s supportive for your journey also. For me, I understood my shadow work had much to do with my childhood experiences and expectations that I had put upon me in terms of my performance and productivity that I had previously agreed to/lived by as an adult but have now since cancelled said agreements. I uncovered these unconscious agreements exactly by following the annoyance that was arising from my perceived lack of progress. I asked myself: What would the ideal out come be to my shadow work? Why would that be ideal? What criteria am I judging my progress against? Wild stuff came up uno. I try to keep in mind that EVERYTHING is information. I spent a long time ignoring my dreams, intuition, my body/health when they’ve been screaming at me. Shadow work/inner child work in my experience is learning to listen to all those banished aspects of ourselves and integrating them to my waking self. The resistance, with patience will lead to big revelations. I hope that helps.

[Emryss]

Hudda this does help those questions especially the last one about what the criteria are that I'm using to judge my progress.

Thank you

[Becky]

Hi Alyssa,

I DEFintely think that noticing you're reacting is good progress. It's catching the pattern, seeing the play. Pema Chodron says that noticing ourselves "feeding the wrong wolf" (so to speak) is the surest way to undermine it. So keep noticing!! If I don't catch myself before I act, I find that apologizing and stating my higher value is helpful ("wow, now that I hear myself, I notice my voice is getting loud and I'm feeling angry and I'm sorry I'm sending that to you. It is important to me to communicate clearly and in a respectful way. Would it be okay for me to try to say this again except in way that is kind and respectful?...."). My kids are VERY forgiving (ha).

So what do I do when I feel impatient and want to "be there" already? It's sometimes helpful for me to remind myself "you are right where you are supposed to be." This is a bit of a mantra for me since it was given to me by [myself/God/whatever] maybe 15 years ago. So if I'm critical to myself for say, netflixing vs. meditating, I try the mantra, see how I feel, and sometimes I meditate and sometimes I say Fuck It and I netflix, but *without* the criticism and I tell myself "Good for you for taking some time out." That's how I quit smoking (100%)....instead of being self-critical, I told myself "good for you for doing what you need to do right now." I forgive myself for doing the best I could with the tools I had, right? Now I do better!

Since I've put up my "younger Becky" altar, I know that me as myself now at middle age talks to her then, so I sometimes pretend I'm my older, more enlightened (awakened?) self and I give current Becky a little pep talk. That can sometimes help direct my focus to the present and its possibilities and gifts vs. focusing on all the ways I'm not there yet. How can I not be here? (ha, trick question)

I'm probably barely baby awake, but....well, I hate to try to compare myself to other people, you know? We all have our own journeys. I think slow progress is more sustainable anyway. Starting a habit for 5 minutes a day is better than doing an hour daily and burning out after a week. Slow and steady works for me!

I also find that I get these little "breakthroughs" and I don't go back to that practice for a while (fear maybe?). I've been like that with the akashic/concordant records. I'm playing, but slowly.

Also, honestly, sometimes "the work" just sucks. So, for me, baby steps is a way to not stall out there too.

Keep plugging away. You are right where you are supposed to be!!

Sat nam,
Becky